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Letting Go of Things That Hold You Back
writes, "As the end of the year draws to a close and we turn our thoughts to the New Year, take time to notice what baggage you might be carrying. Letting go is a lifelong proactive process - one in which we continually refine and redefine what we believe makes a "good life." In their bestselling book, Repacking Your Bags, Richard Leider and David Shapiro define the good life simply as: "Living in the place you belong; with the people you love, doing the right work, on purpose."
To start on the path of letting things go that are holding you back you may want to employ the following strategies:

1. Share the load - asking for help can make the load less heavy.

2. Commit to letting go of only one thing - whether it's home, work, or relationship, it's easier to start small and build on success.

3. Shift the load for awhile - alter your routine; take a day off.

4. Set a time limit - make a decision to only carry the baggage for so long.

5. Make checklists - seeing things checked off is a great morale booster.

6. Change your perspective - if you tell yourself you CAN lighten the load, you WILL lighten the load.

Let's take a look at our baggage which naturally tends to fall into three categories: work, relationships and home. Where we grew up, when we grew up and the kinds of jobs in our family tree all influenced our work and career choices. A high percentage of people who truly feel they are living the "good life" engage in work that uses their talents. The following questions might also help you to make choices to let go of a workplace baggage that is currently holding you back.

1. What are my talents? Write down three that are most important to you.

2. What am I passionate about?

3. In what type of work environment am I most comfortable expressing my talents?

4. What would I have to let go of or do differently in order to feel more fulfilled in my work?

As in work, too often we trudge along with our partner, spouse, friends or even family members unable or unwilling to improve things by letting go of things that are holding our relationships back. The simple, though difficult, thing to accept is that to have any kind of meaningful relationship with another person we have to be willing to let the other person "see the load we're carrying" and do it in a way that is accountable, respectful, rational and open to feedback.

If you have become stuck in any one of your relationships, below are some questions to get you started thinking about how to have a conversation with that person and get you both moving toward the "good life."

1. What qualities are absolutely essential in someone:
a. You want to spend the rest of your life with in a personal relationship?
b. You want for a friend?
c. You want in a supportive family member?

2. What three things about you does each of the above people need to know about you?

3. Choose a relationship you would like to deepen and ask yourself:
a. What feelings are present for you when you are with them?
b. What are the issues you would like to discuss with them?
c. What would you like your "good life" to look like together?

While it's true that no one can go back and start a new beginning in relationships, you can choose to start today and create new endings.

Turning our attention to home, you must first ask yourself just what "home" means to you. Not necessarily your current abode, but when you think of home what image comes to mind? Ask yourself, what are the qualities I want in my home; a feeling of warmth, comfortable ease, organized and decluttered?

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What's keeping you from living in the home of your dreams?

2. What is your most prized possession in your home? (the one you would grab if your home was on fire?)

3. Conversely, what's gathering dust and no longer holds importance to you?

All of these reflections offer you a template for letting go of the things that hold you back as well as a design for your "good life." Start living in the place you belong, with the people you love, doing the right work on purpose.

Have a great New Year!
Lisa Johnson, LCPC

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