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| Remain Calm, It's Only a Drill |
 Lisa writes, "How many times have we all said, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if kids came with instruction manuals?" Thanks to research conducted over the past 50 years, we're learning that it is parents who are trainable. "
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Almost every parenting study done concludes that parenting programs do work and tend to produce good parenting outcomes: children who feel loved feel free to be independent. "Yes, I know," you mutter as you recall the two parenting classes and five parenting books you've just read this year. Did you know, though, that there are certain competencies that we can teach our children that really do matter most?
In the December, 2010 Scientific American Mind, an article titled, "What Makes a Good Parent?" lays it all out for us by ranking the top 10 competencies that ensure good parenting outcomes. It's a given that demonstrating love and affection ranks as number one. Are you surprised that teaching stress management ranks number two? Yep, steps we take to calm ourselves and help reduce stress in our children is a huge factor in predicting strong parent-child bonds, levels of happiness, even health and success.
What do you do to calm yourself? Here's a variety of strategies that you and your children can do together.
1. Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your nose.
2. Teach problem solving skills.
3. Ask yourself, "What is the kindest thing I can do for myself/someone else right now?"
4. Hold on to hope. Promote optimism, the skill of expecting good outcomes.
5. Help yourself and your children to talk about feelings and teach emotional intelligence.
6. Have a positive statement that you can use when the going gets tough. In our family one of our favorite choruses is, "We’ll figure it out, we'll find a way, we don't have to know today!" This reinforces optimism while breaking down seemingly overwhelming situations into manageable parts.
7. Help yourself and your children to focus on their five senses to calm themselves; think blankie, soft music, eating mindfully, relaxing vistas and lavender for starters.
8. Avoid the words Forever, Always and Never.
9. Laugh, giggle, chortle, joke and josh around. Find humor in situations.
10. Learn to forgive yourself and others and teach your children the value and power of forgiveness.
As a therapist, I routinely have clients create a list of 100 calming strategies to go to in times of high stress and crisis, so I could go on and on. The point is to find what works for you and to share that with your children. Practice calming skills often when life is calm, so that they are second nature when life has some ups and downs. So while we cannot eliminate stress from our lives or our children's lives; we can teach our children to cope effectively. By doing so, it's highly likely that we'll feel better about ourselves and our children will thrive.
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Posted on Aug 26, 2011 10:44am.
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